


Took The Long Way

by hawkeyeandthewintersoldier



Series: Took The Long Way [1]
Category: Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Christmas, Domestic Fluff, Getting Back Together, Kid Fic, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:47:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27858558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkeyeandthewintersoldier/pseuds/hawkeyeandthewintersoldier
Summary: When Sebastian helps a lost kid find her dad, he runs into his ex-boyfriend Chris. After spending the day together Chris invites Sebastian to come home with him and his daughters. It's exactly what they both needed to find their way back.Featuring twins, Dodger, a graying Chris and Sebastian,  and Christmas.
Relationships: Chris Evans/Sebastian Stan
Series: Took The Long Way [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2067642
Comments: 12
Kudos: 60





	Took The Long Way

**Author's Note:**

> I struggled a lot with this fic and it's been one of the toughest ones to write. I started multiple versions of it, scrapped them and then started over. There were moments I didn't think I would finish it. But I did and I am very glad about that! 
> 
> The title of this fic is from Front Porch by Joy Williams.
> 
> A big thank you to the wonderful [its-tortle](https://its-tortle.tumblr.com/)for beta reading this. Your feedback and suggestions helped me so much! 
> 
> As always with RPF fics, this is purely meant as a work of fiction and I make no claims about Sebastian, Chris, or anyone else mentioned and the validity of anything mentioned within this work. Please don't share it with the people depicted within this work. Thank you. 
> 
> Also, I rated it explicit just to be sure. But I was on the fence about rating it mature, so if mature is a more accurate rating please let me know!
> 
> Please leave a comment or kudos if you liked this work. It genuinely means the world to me!  
> I really hope you enjoy the fic <3

Sebastian is walking through the streets of New York in a foul mood. He’d forgotten his coat but doesn’t feel like going back to get it, despite the cold December air. It was bad enough that he stormed out of that meeting. He thinks going back for this coat will only make this more awkward. People keep asking him lately if he is planning to settle down. Today it was his agent and his publicist who asked, but they join a long list of others who have done the same. And he’s so sick of it. There was only one person he envisioned himself settling down with - once upon a time - and they broke up a little over 6 years ago. He and Chris haven’t even spoken in nearly 5 years. Their attempts at friendship had fizzled out too and the last thing Sebastian had heard about him was that Chris had quit acting completely. 

The point is, he might be going gray and it might do wonders for his image if he does decide to settle down, but he doesn’t want to. No matter how much anyone pushes him. Chris had been it for him, even if Sebastian had been too stupid to realize it at the time. He’d blown things between them and now he’s on his own. Still. He’s had some flings after Chris, but they all had the same issue. They weren’t Chris. 

He reaches Central Park and turns his phone back on. He should probably call some people back, especially his agent and his publicist. Apologize. He doesn’t want to. Not yet. He finds a bench to sit on so he can sulk some more. He hopes no one is taking pictures. He doesn't need anyone telling him how old and tired he looks tomorrow morning. He already knows. It's not like he can stop himself from aging. 

He is staring into the distance when a tiny girl in an obnoxiously bright pink coat approaches him with tearful eyes. She climbs onto the bench, sits down next to him as she sniffles. 

“Are you okay, kid?” Sebastian asks, feeling concerned. 

She shakes her head, “I lost my daddy and my sister,” she says, her lower lip trembles.

“Do you need help finding them?” Sebastian asks. 

“Please,” The little girl says. 

“We’ll go around the park and see if we find your daddy and your sister, alright?” He says, “What’s your name?” 

“My name’s Estelle. Daddy picked it cause he likes space,” She says. 

“Wow, your daddy must be very smart then. Well, Estelle, it’s all going to be fine, okay?” Sebastian smiles at her. "We'll find your daddy and your sister in no time." 

He gets up off the bench and she jumps down too. She holds out her hand for him to take. 

“Where did you last see your daddy?” He asks. 

“At the playground,” Estelle says. 

“Then we will go there first,” Sebastian says. 

They walk until they reach the playground. Sebastian keeps an eye out to see if he spots anyone looking for a lost kid. He looks around the playground. It’s crowded despite the snowy weather and Sebastian can see why it would be easy for a kid to get lost here. 

“Do you see your daddy yet?” He asks. 

Estelle shakes her head, sniffles some more. 

“Let’s look around some more, yes?” Sebastian says quickly.

She nods. 

They walk around and when they reach the other side of the playground, Estelle finally spots her dad and her sister. She runs up to them, pulling Sebastian along. The dad is looking so frantic and relieved all at once and focused on his daughter, that it takes Sebastian a few moments to recognize him. 

“Chris?” He says. 

“Sebastian?” Chris replies, sounding as shocked as Sebastian feels. 

Chris looks good. He has obviously aged, his hair now a beautiful gray and wrinkles grace his face, especially around his eyes. He might not be as muscular as he did when they were doing the Marvel movies but he still looks fit. Handsome. He has aged well. And he’s a dad now, apparently. Sebastian had missed that memo. 

“Sebastian helped me, Daddy,” Estelle says. 

“Well, I am really glad he did, sweetheart,” Chris smiles, “Me and Cassie were getting real worried about you,” He ruffles her hair, then looks at Sebastian, “Thank you. Let me get you a coffee or something. Unless you are busy?” 

Sebastian thinks of all the missed calls and the things he should be doing. But then smiles at Chris and says he would love to grab coffee with him. 

They go to a coffee shop near the park, where they manage to secure a table and Chris asks if he can keep an eye on the girls while he waits in line. When Sebastian offers to wait in line instead, Chris insists that he is treating Sebastian. As stubborn as ever then, Sebastian thinks. 

He doesn’t mind watching the kids. They seem like good girls. They look a lot like Chris and he wonders what the story behind that is. If Chris has been luckier with love than he is. He forces himself to focus on the girls and the story they are trying to tell about a funny-looking cat they saw last week. 

Chris returns with hot chocolate for the girls, coffee for Sebastian, and tea for himself. Sebastian thanks him, takes a sip from his coffee, and smiles when he realizes Chris remembers his order. 

“So I got it right?” Chris asks, almost looking shy. 

“Yeah, you did,” Sebastian says. 

“Good,” Chris says, “good. It’s really good to see you again. How are you?” 

“I’ve been alright. What about you then?” Sebastian asks. 

“I became a dad, obviously,” Chris says, gesturing to his daughters, “And I’m doing okay." 

"Finally got that life you wanted?" Sebastian asks.

"Mostly," Chris says, "I have kids now and I'm enjoying living a quiet, simple life. But I never got to the marriage part. I'm happy, don't get me wrong, but I guess you could say I am lacking adult company in my life," his cheeks turn bright red. 

Sebastian is about to reply but then Cassie knocks over her drink. He grabs a napkin and hands it to Chris who expertly cleans up his kid and the table. Cassie's lip wobbles. 

"It's okay darling," Chris says, "we'll just get you a new one, alright?" 

Cassie nods and sticks her fingers in her mouth, her eyes a little teary. 

"Let me get it," Sebastian says and gets up before Chris can protest. 

When he returns with the drink, Cassie hugs him. Chris smiles at them proudly. 

"Cass is usually a bit shy," He whispers to Sebastian once the girls are occupied again, "but she clearly likes you." 

"She's a good kid. Both of them are," Sebastian says, "wanna tell me more about them?" He smiles. 

And does Chris ever. Sebastian learns that the girls are twins, they turned 4 last month and Chris is a single father by choice. Their biological mother was happy to carry them but didn't want to be in their lives as a mom, though she does send Christmas cards. Cassie is short for Cassiopeia but since she can't quite pronounce it herself, everyone just calls her Cassie or Cass. Her favorite color is blue while Estelle's is pink. They are both obsessed with dogs and Disney and rocks. And most importantly, Chris loves them more than anything in the universe. 

When they finish their drinks, Sebastian doesn't feel ready to let go yet. He knows he should, but being near Chris again feels so good. He had known he missed him a lot, but he hadn't known it was quite this much. He tries to think of what to say and then ends up inviting him and the girls back to his apartment. 

Chris thinks he should say no. Decline the invitation. Protect his heart. But the girls and Sebastian all look at him with hopeful eyes and he just can't do it. Doesn't really want to anyway. There is something magical about being around Sebastian, even after all this time. 

They walk to Sebastian's place. It's not far, though halfway there he ends up having to carry Cassie. Estelle has decided she wants to hold Sebastian's hand and Sebastian's hand only. Luckily Sebastian doesn't seem to mind. He just listens attentively as Estelle tries to explain the plot of Frozen to him. Hums and nods and smiles at all the right moments. It makes Chris's heartbeat go a little faster. 

They arrive, and the doorman lets them up after a short but amicable chat with Sebastian. The place he lives now is incredibly fancy. He has clearly done well for himself in the years they've been apart. They take the elevator up to Sebastian's floor and Sebastian opens the door. The inside is kind of bare, looks like Sebastian has only just moved in,but for all Chris knows he might have. The girls immediately start running around the living room and Chris has to remind them to be careful. Sebastian doesn't seem to mind them being a little rambunctious though - actually smiles at them. 

He offers to make them dinner, assuring Chris he has actually learned how to feed himself properly now. Chris joins him in the kitchen, making sure he can still see the girls. Now that they've done all of the small talk, conversation is a bit trickier. There are so many things he once would have said to Sebastian, jokes he would have made that he's not sure are appropriate now. There is so much space between them, so many years gone by. Chris wonders if they can still bridge the gaps. If Sebastian even wants to. Chris would like to be friends again, has missed Sebastian in his life all this time, but he also remembers Sebastian ending things between them vividly. And Sebastian wanting to hang out now is not the same as actually being friends and definitely not the same as everything they once shared. It hurts. 

"What do you do now?" Sebastian asks after an awkward silence, "I know you quit acting. Uh, quite suddenly too? But well." 

"It wasn't sudden for me," Chris says, "I had been tired for a while. Wanting that simpler life. And then I remembered I didn't actually have to keep doing something that makes me unhappy. I have the means not to. And anyway, I do still act. Kind of. I became the director of the theatre group in Concord. And I’m producing Scott's new movie. It's in the planning stage. Should be exciting. Mainly I just try to be there for my girls. They are my biggest priority." 

"I didn't realize. I didn't know you were so unhappy," Sebastian frowns, "are you… are you happy now?" 

"I tried to tell you. Then. But I guess I didn't do a very good job at expressing it," Chris smiles sadly, "I am happier now, though. I do okay. It's not… things aren't perfect. But I am trying to be okay with that. And I love my girls and living a slower, simpler life… that's been good for me," He swallows. "Are you happy?" 

"I'm sorry," Sebastian reaches out but stops himself, runs a hand through his hair instead, "and lately. No, I haven't been happy. Feel like I should be, though." 

"I'm sorry, too," Chris says. 

Their conversation ends because Estelle calls out for Chris and Sebastian focuses on the meal he is preparing. Chris checks on the girls. They are okay, just wanted to have a hug. Chris is glad. He needed that hug too. There is still so much left unsaid between him and Sebastian. He doesn't know if they will find the courage again. 

Sebastian calls them to say dinner is done and they settle down on the couch with their plates. The meal is simple but delicious and the girls love it. Chris asks Sebastian for the recipe and Sebastian says he will write it down for him later. The conversation is easier again, and Chris wonders if it's because the girls are present or because they've just gotten past the hard part. Either way, he's glad. He likes talking to Sebastian. Right now, he can almost pretend nothing ever went wrong between them. He wishes that were true. 

Dinner is an absolute hit. Chris and the kids praise him and it fills Sebastian with pride. It's not the most extraordinary thing he has ever made, just some pasta with spinach, salmon and a basil cream sauce, but they like it and Chris wants the recipe. It's always a good feeling to have people enjoy something he created. Be it food, writing, or a movie. It settles something inside of him. Tells the boy he used to be, new to another country and desperate to fit in, that he did good. So he writes down the recipe as neatly as he can and hands it to Chris with a smile. 

He has dessert for them too. Just ice cream, but that's obviously exciting for the girls. And Chris, too, really. It's usually Sebastian's sadness ice cream but he has to admit it tastes better on happier occasions like this one. 

After they finish their ice cream and Chris has made the girls wash their hands, he says they should go because it's nearing the girls' bedtime. They don't like that idea. Sebastian is with them on that, if he's being honest. 

"Please Daddy, can we stay?" Estelle and Cassie both ask with puppy eyes and pouts that make them look even more like Chris. 

"You gotta ask Sebastian, sweethearts. It's his house. We can't overstay our welcome, that's impolite," Chris reminds them. 

Estelle and Cassie turn to Sebastian. 

"Please Sebastian, can we stay?" They ask in chorus. 

"Remember, you can say no and we'll get out of your hair," Chris says. 

The girls cross their arms and glare at their dad. It just makes them look cuter. 

"No it's alright. It'll be like a sleepover," Sebastian smiles, "We'll have fun." 

The girls hug him and he hugs them back. When he makes eye contact with Chris, Chris is smiling at him. It makes his heart skip a beat. He hopes Chris is as excited as he is. That Chris's initial eagerness to leave was out of politeness and not because he doesn't want to be here. 

They exchange their new phone numbers and then Chris is on his way to his hotel to pick up a change of clothes, toothbrushes and some other essentials for the girls. He leaves Estelle and Cassie with Sebastian and it makes Sebastian feel honored. The fact that Chris trusts him to look after his kid for longer than 5 minutes in a coffee shop is a big deal to him. 

"So what do you want to do?" Sebastian asks the girls. 

They give him thoughtful looks, then Estelle speaks up. 

"You gotta braid our hair," she says. 

"Braid your hair? I think I can do that," Sebastian smiles. "Who wants to go first?" 

Estelle does. Sebastian likes to think he is fairly okay at braiding hair. He has done it in the past for girlfriends and co-stars. And he indeed receives no complaints from the twins. Cassie even informs him he's allowed to do it again. It's the best praise he has ever received. 

Once Chris gets back to his hotel room, he puts down his things. He gathers some things for the girls and himself, puts it in his backpack. Then sits down for a second and calls Scott. He desperately needs some advice. 

"I'm so fucked," He says as soon as Scott picks up the phone. 

"Good for you," Scott says, "is he cute?" 

"Not like that," Chris sighs, "The girls and I ran into Sebastian today. Had coffee together, then dinner. Then the girls bullied us into having a sleepover. I'm just picking up some things now while he's watching them. It's… it's bringing back a lot of feelings," He says. 

"Sebastian Stan?" Scott says, "I ran into him at a party a few months back. He looks good, doesn't he? With those gray locks? Anyway, tell me more." 

"You didn't tell me you saw him. But yeah he looks very good," Chris agrees, "it's good seeing him again. He's… I missed him. And he still has all the qualities that made me love him. Perhaps he's even lovelier now. It's just… I remember him telling me to leave. Like what we had didn't matter. And it's painful. We didn't even get to stay friends. I just lost him." 

"I didn't mention it because you tend to get mopey when people mention Sebastian. Maybe… maybe this is your chance to finally talk things through with him. Rekindle your friendship?" Scott says, "It's been 6 years, maybe things will turn out differently now." 

"That's a good point," Chris says, "maybe I ran into him after all this time for a reason. So maybe I need to take his chance." 

"I think you should," Scott says, "you can do this." 

Chris thanks him. Then they say their goodbyes and hang up. He sits on his bed for a few more moments, then grabs the things he gathered and makes his way back to Sebastian's apartment. 

Chris comes back into the apartment using Sebastian's key. It puts Sebastian in a reminiscent mood. There was a time when everything they had was shared between them. Houses and clothes and a whole lot of love. Sometimes he still finds shirts he's certain originally belonged to Chris. He can never bring himself to throw them out, no matter how faded they've become. 

The girls proudly show off their braids and Chris’s praise makes Sebastian blush. Then he informs them it’s really time for bed. Sebastian shows them to his guest bedroom. Chris helps the girls change into their pajamas. They get their stuffed animals out of his backpack and a picture book and then ask Sebastian to read them a story. He is more than happy to agree. After the story, he and Chris tuck them in, leave on the light and go back to the living room. It makes Sebastian think of a lot of could-have-beens. 

They settle down on the couch. Sebastian pours himself a glass of wine and grabs a bottle of beer for Chris. They settle down on the couch, music playing softly in the background. Chris is telling him about a documentary he watched on exoplanets when Sebastian’s phone rings, startling them both. Sebastian hits decline. Chris shoots him a questioning look. 

“S’my agent. She and my publicist and apparently the whole damn world think I should be seen dating. And I’m tired of that bullshit,” Sebastian sighs, "I had a meeting with them this morning and kinda ran out on them when they started talking about it again." 

“It’s the kind of bullshit I got tired of too. Got tired of playing games, I guess,” Chris says, “especially didn’t want to do that once I had kids. They deserve better, you know.” 

“I feel like I’m too old for this shit,” Sebastian says, “I mean I’m in my forties now. If I’m gonna be photographed holding hands and kissing someone… I want it to be real, you know. I’m too old to play pretend outside of work. I want to be with someone who I genuinely love. I don’t care about my image anymore,” He says, "not if it has to be like this." 

“I feel you,” Chris says, “It’s why I’m still alone I guess. I don’t want to settle for just anyone. It’s gotta be someone special.” 

He looks into Sebastian’s eyes. They both swallow. Things go left unsaid again. 

“You look tired,” Chris says then, “not that you don’t look good. You look super good. But, uhh, tired, too. Like you could use a break,” he says. 

“I could use a break, yeah,” Sebastian says, “it’s just been a lot lately.” His lip wobbles. He’s fully prepared to blame it on the wine, although he has barely had three sips. 

“I have a proposition, and please tell me to fuck off if you don’t want it, but,” Chris says, “me and the girls are driving home tomorrow night. You could come with us, if you feel like a change of scenery.” 

Chris sounds confident but Sebastian notices his hands are trembling a little. His hands are tightly wrapped around his beer bottle in an attempt to mask it. Sebastian reaches out and places his hand on top of Chris’s arm carefully. 

“I’d love that,” He smiles, “thank you.” 

Chris smiles back at him, “We’ll have fun right?” he asks. 

“We will,” Sebastian agrees, “I should probably tell my agent I am taking a little break. That I won't answer her questions until I return or something." 

“That sounds like a good idea,” Chris says. 

You complete meatball, Chris thinks to himself, the moment he invites Sebastian to stay with them. Noise fills his brain. Sebastian’s going to say no, he’s certain. Why would he want to be with Chris? He shouldn’t have asked. He’s being ridiculous. 

But then Sebastian says yes, touches him, and Chris feels like he can breathe again. As Sebastian returns his agent's call, Chris finishes his beer. When Sebastian comes back they make plans for the next day and Chris helps Sebastian pack. They both pass out on the couch. 

The next morning they are awoken by the twins jumping on them. Chris chases the still giggling girls around the room and smacks kisses on their cheeks. Sebastian gives them a sleepy smile and then gets started on breakfast. 

After breakfast they head to Chris's hotel to pack and checkout. They walk around the city for a bit, have lunch together, and then decide it's time to head home. The girls are incredibly excited when they learn Sebastian is coming home with them. 

Chris straps them into their carseats and puts on a movie for them as Sebastian gets into the passenger's seat. They’re barely driving when the girls fall asleep. He and Sebastian talk about anything and everything, much like they used to. It's interesting to see how quickly they have found their rhythm again. Even if they both feel a little uncertain at times.

Time passes by quickly and before they know they have almost reached Chris's house. 

"Thank you for taking me here," Sebastian says softly. 

"It's my pleasure," Chris smiles. 

He parks the car in his driveway. Sebastian carries a sleepy Estelle inside and Chris carries an equally sleepy Cassie inside, putting them down on the couch. Then he grabs the bags from his car, puts them down in the hallway. Dodger is still at his mother's house. She promised to drop him off tomorrow. Chris thinks seeing Sebastian again will be quite the surprise for her, but he knows she will be supportive and kind. She always is. 

He and Sebastian put the girls to bed together and it's everything Chris has ever wanted. He can't allow himself to go down this road. Surely it will lead to heartbreak. Sebastian is his friend. That, he is confident about after last night. But Sebastian is here because he needs a break, not because he needs Chris to lust after him. 

He shows Sebastian the guest room, though he still knows where it is from all the times he stayed at Chris's house before. Then they head to the kitchen. They drink and talk until it's late and they are both sleepy. They say goodnight and head to their own beds. 

When Sebastian walks into the kitchen the following morning, Chris is already making him breakfast and coffee. It's the kind of domesticity he's been missing for the last 6 years. 

"My mom is coming over with Dodger in an hour or so," Chris says as he hands Sebastian his cup. 

"I was wondering where he was," Sebastian says. "I didn't want to ask… in case… well," he makes a vague motion with his hand. 

"He stayed at my mom's during the trip. He's a little older now, has a little less energy but he's still a good boy," Chris smiles. 

Sebastian takes a sip of his coffee, returns Chris's smile. He feels a little nervous about seeing Dodger and Lisa again. Then tells himself he's being silly. Still, he wonders if they'll still like him or if they blame him for breaking Chris’s heart as much as he blames himself. 

They finish their breakfast and Chris gets up to wake up the girls and dress them. Sebastian clears up the kitchen, does the dishes and is in the middle of dusting off the counter when Lisa steps into the kitchen. 

She looks surprised for a second, then smiles at him. She greets him warmly and Dodger comes up to him to get scritches behind his ears. Chris and the girls come into the living room and they greet his mother with big, warm hugs. 

The girls sit down on the floor to play and cuddle with Dodger. He's remarkably gentle. Sebastian looks at them and feels joy spread through his body. Like this sight alone can cure him of all his bad days. When he turns his head he catches Lisa and Chris look at him. He smiles at them shyly. 

"Seb's staying with us for a little bit," Chris says. 

"Yeah?" Lisa says in a friendly tone, "How long are you planning to stay for?" She asks. 

"We haven't really discussed that yet. It was rather spur of the moment," Sebastian says, looking at Chris. 

Lisa looks between them, "Well, then you should at least stay until Christmas, dear. Unless you have other plans, of course. But I'm inviting you for Christmas dinner," She steps forward and gives him a hug. 

He hugs her back. It's so nice. He can't help but feel like he doesn't really deserve it. Feels even guiltier for what he did 6 years ago. Maybe it's time he talks with Chris about what happened. Give Chris the chance to tell him to fuck off before their lives are intertwined again. 

"Are you coming for Christmas?" Chris asks and he looks so hopeful.

Sebastian nods, "Thank you," he says. He truly is grateful. For their invitation, for their kindness. 

Lisa joins her grandkids on the floor and Chris takes Sebastian into his office. 

"You can say no, you know," He says, sounding worried, "if you don't want to come. It can be a lot, I know. It's okay. You look… you look nervous." 

Chris's worried look and caring words and the tension Sebastian has been carrying for far too long all have him tearing up. 

"I want to come, I want to be here," Sebastian sobs, "I'm just not sure I deserve it. You're being so good to me and your mom is being good to me but I hurt you back then and you just treat me with kindness." 

Chris wraps his arms around Sebastian, Sebastian automatically wraps his own around Chris. Leans into him and cries. 

"Seb, of course you deserve kindness. And I want you to be here so much it almost scares me," Chris says, "I haven't forgotten what happened back then but I forgave you a very long time ago. And it was never all on you to begin with. Please don't be so hard on yourself," His voice breaks. 

Chris leans back, carefully lifts his hand to Sebastian's face and wipes away his tears. 

"I've missed you so much. If you want to, then please stay," He whispers. 

"I want to stay," Sebastian says.

Chris looks relieved, "I'm glad," he smiles. 

Lisa comes into the office with Estelle and Cassie. She gives them a worried look but doesn't ask questions. Not yet at least. The girls do have a question. 

"Sebastian can you read us a story?" Cassie asks. 

"Of course sweeties," Sebastian smiles, "show me where you keep your books?" 

They each grab one of his hands and drag him to the bedroom they share. 

"Is everything okay?" His mom asks once Sebastian and the girls have left the room, "Did I interrupt something?" 

"It's… it's okay I think. Sebastian's feeling bad about, well, everything from before. Felt like he didn't deserve kindness. I told him he does… I think we will need to talk some more but," Chris says carefully, "maybe? Part of me feels like it's foolish to hope but maybe I never completely lost him the way I thought I did. And I guess it doesn't take away everything that happened between us before, but it's just been so good to be near him again. I just want him in my life." 

His mom takes his hands in hers and squeezes them gently, "It's okay to have hope. And perhaps you'll only ever be friends now. But you both deserve that. And of course you will need to talk to him some more, but most importantly, you need to follow your heart. You know what's right deep inside," she says, then smiles. "He does seem to fit right in again already, doesn't he?" 

"So perfectly," Chris says, tearing up a little. "Thank you mom." 

"That's what parents are for, you know," She says, "we just try to be there and do our best and hope for the best too." 

She hugs him again. Talking to his mom is always great. She always helps him out and she always listens. She lets him share whatever is on his mind and she's always understanding. He hopes he fills the same role for his children. Their fears and worries might be small now, and how he wishes they could always be, but he wants them to feel safe enough to come to him at any time. Even when they grow older and life gets messier and scarier. He wants to be there, just like his mom was always there for him and his siblings. 

Sebastian and the girls settle down on Estelle's bed with the book the girls picked. They've arranged the pillows and the blankets in a way that makes the bed extra comfortable to sit on, and makes it feel like they are being protected and hugged by all that comfort. The girls are jittery with excitement. Sebastian puts the book on his lap and wraps an arm around each girl. He tells them it's their job to turn the pages, which they take very seriously, and begins to read. 

The girls listen attentively and Sebastian makes sure to do voices which they seem to adore. At some point he notices Chris steps into the room and snaps a picture. He briefly looks up and shares a smile with Chris, then returns to the story. 

The girls and Chris clap when he's finished. 

"Grandma's going home soon, sweethearts, do you want to go say goodbye to her?" Chris says. 

The girls nod, jump off the bed and run off. Chris yells a reminder to be careful after them, then folds his arms and smiles at Sebastian.

"You're good with that," He says.

Sebastian's face heats up. Chris steps closer, sits down next to him. 

"I mean it," he says. "They don't think I do the voices right on this book, but you did a great job. They clearly loved it. They would have made it very clear if they didn’t.” Chris has a sappy look on his face. 

“Yeah?” Sebastian bites his lip and smiles. 

“Yeah,” Chris says. “Did you, uh, wanna say goodbye to my mom, too?” 

“Of course,” Sebastian says. 

They get up and join Lisa and the girls in the kitchen. They tell Lisa goodbye, too, and she tells Sebastian she looks forward to seeing him on Christmas. She tells them all to have fun and then she gets outside, into her car. They wave at her in front of the window as she drives away. 

Chris claps his hands together once his mother’s car is out of view, “so what do you all want to do today?” He asks. 

“BLANKET FORT,” Estelle claps her hands together. 

“Please daddy?” Cassie asks. 

“Alright,” Chris says, turning to Sebastian, “do you want to join us, Seb?” 

“Yes, you might have to teach me a thing or two, though,” Sebastian says. 

“We can do that,” Estelle says. 

They quickly get to work. Blankets and pillows are pulled from the bedrooms and he and Chris shift the furniture in the living room around. The girls help some with placing the pillows and blankets, but mostly just provide commentary. 

Once they are done with their fort, Sebastian, Estelle and Cassie settle down inside of it. Chris heads into the kitchen to get some snacks and drinks and then they put on a movie. Disney - of course. They continue to watch movies until after it’s dark outside and it’s time for the girls to have dinner. 

After dinner, even after the girls have gone to bed they don’t take down the blanket fort. Instead Chris and Sebastian settle back down, surrounding themselves with comfort and sitting shoulder to shoulder. 

"Do you want to talk about back then?" Chris asks softly. 

Sebastian nods. The movement is so small it's almost imperceptible. There’s an awkward silence, because clearly neither of them knows where to start. Chris supposes the whole conversation will be awkward. It's not easy to tell someone why you broke up with them and it won't be easy to hear either. But they have to. If they want to move forward, if they want to be friends, they have to talk about this. Otherwise it will remain this sword that hangs between, ready to hurt them at a moment's notice. 

"Maybe I should start," Sebastian says, "you probably have the most unanswered questions about everything." 

Now Chris nods. Small, quick. He swallows. Wraps his arms around his legs. 

"I'm scared," Sebastian says. 

"Me too," Chris admits. 

Sebastian mirrors Chris. Pulls his legs up to his chest. He bites his lips, then begins to speak. 

“I never stopped regretting it, telling you to leave,” he says. “I knew I was being stupid almost immediately after the words left my mouth… but I didn’t know how to take them back. And I wanted to but it was just all so much.” 

“I didn’t really give you a chance to take things back, did I?” Chris asks, “I mean you told me to leave so I did. But fuck, I wish I hesitated. I didn’t want to go but I thought you wanted me to. I thought you didn't want me anymore. I kept hoping you would change your mind, though, deep inside, but it never seemed to happen.” 

“I never wanted you to go,” Sebastian says, “and I fucked things up. I fucked up the most beautiful thing I had in my life. There was just so much pressure and everyone kept wanting things from me and telling me what to do and then you told me you wanted to do that movie in Boston and I just lashed out at you and you didn’t deserve that,” His voice breaks, “and I keep wishing I could go back in time so I could fix it. I was so scared of losing you, of us falling apart that I ended up causing that. I know I said so many hurtful things that day and I wish I could undo all of it.” 

Chris wraps his arms around Sebastian, pulls him to his chest and rubs his back. They are both sobbing. Sebastian buries his face in Chris’s neck. It’s good to have him this close again. Chris wishes he had fought harder for them back then. But he had assumed he’d been doing the right thing by keeping his distance. Had assumed Sebastian was done with him - disliked him even.

“We both fucked up,” Chris says, “I’m not blameless here. I could have… I don’t know… checked in more. Been more attentive. Not just thrown the news about that movie at you when it was the first time we'd been able to see each other in weeks. Even asked to talk after things ended, to figure things out. But I didn’t. It’s not all on you.” 

“But I don’t want you to blame yourself,” Sebastian pouts. 

“I don’t want you to blame yourself either,” Chris says. “We made mistakes. I think we’ve learned from them. And we’re here now, and we’ve gotten a second chance. Blaming yourself isn’t going to help. It’s not going to change things.” 

“Okay,” Sebastian says softly, swallows. "I think the worst part was always that we didn't stay friends?" 

"It was," Chris's voice is wobbly, "I saw you kiss that woman and I told myself to not be jealous… that it wasn't my place. But I was. I reacted like a child. I thought if I stopped texting you, I would stop missing you, but I never did." 

"I never stopped missing you," Sebastian says. "I kissed her hoping you would be. Hoped it'd get a reaction out of you, some grand declaration, and I felt so stupid afterwards." 

"We were fools," Chris says. 

He cries, is still rubbing Sebastian's back. Sebastian leans into the touch, his tears dropping onto Chris's skin. They hold each other in silence for a while, tears still in their eyes. Filled with regret but also with hope. 

“I’m kind of surprised you haven’t decorated for Christmas yet,” Sebastian mutters once they have both calmed down a little. 

“We’re going to get a tree tomorrow, actually,” Chris says, “want to come along?” 

“I’d love to,” Sebastian says. 

They fall asleep holding each other and are awoken the next morning by the girls jumping into the blanket fort. 

Sebastian is disoriented for a few seconds after he wakes up. It’s a little strange waking up this close to Chris again, but good. Estelle has jumped onto some vital body parts and judging by the look on Chris’s face, Cassie has done the same to him. The girls wiggle their way between them, demanding hugs. 

“We’re going to pick out a Christmas tree today,” Chris tells the girls. 

Cassie begins to cry. “I’m so excited daddy!” She says. 

Estelle gets up so she can jump up and down, jabbing Chris’s side with her elbow in the process. Cassie follows her sister. The excitement wakes Dodger up who follows the girls around as they race around the living room. 

Chris pushes himself up, then holds out a hand to help Sebastian up too. 

“I’m really excited that you are joining us today, Seb,” he says, holding on to Sebastian's hand. 

“I’m really excited too,” Sebastian says. Chris’s face lights up like a Christmas tree. 

They go their separate ways to get dressed. Sebastian feels settled in a way he hasn’t in a long time. It’s been such a relief to finally discuss their breakup. It’s no longer this heavy thing that hangs between them. And Chris doesn’t hate him. Chris just held him. It makes Sebastian wish he had the courage to talk to Chris all along. 

He puts on jeans, a t-shirt, and a cozy sweater. He sees that he has a missed call from his mother and texts her to ask if it’s important, or if it’s okay if he calls her back later. Then he makes his way to the kitchen. The girls are playing with dolls, Dodger is napping, and Chris already got started on breakfast. 

“I made you coffee,” Chris says, gesturing to a cup on the counter. 

“You are a hero,” Sebastian smiles as he picks the cup up. In his head he thinks, _I love you_.

They have their breakfast Evans-style. Meaning it is loud and exciting, but mostly very warm. Sebastian loves it, loves being a part of this. 

After breakfast, he walks Dodger as Chris gets the girls dressed. Then they all, minus Dodger, get into Chris’s car to go get a Christmas tree. Chris has put a rack on the roof of his car and triple checks to make sure it is secure. It does things to Sebastian. 

The place where they are getting their Christmas tree is the same place Chris’s family has been getting their trees from for decades. He came here as a child and he loves that he can take his own children there now. And, well, he loves that he can take Sebastian there too. This little tradition wasn’t something they had shared when they were still dating and he loves that they are making new memories now. Last year Chris had taken his mom with him to buy a tree and it had been lovely. Somehow doing this with Sebastian feels even lovelier, more special. He knows he will cherish these memories forever, no matter what happens between them. 

It's a short drive to the Christmas tree farm. Chris puts Sebastian in charge of the music and he puts on a Christmas playlist. Chris smiles and sings along softly. Soon Sebastian and the girls join in. They are midway through their 7th song when they arrive at the farm. 

There is a large sign at the side of the road claiming that these trees are the best in Massachusetts. Chris feels inclined to agree with that sentiment. The sign is also decorated with little snowflakes and tiny Christmas trees. It's the one that's been there for years and Chris loves it. 

He parks the car and they make their way to the main building, walking by some pretty lovely trees already. Chris keeps his eye out to see if he can spot the perfect one right at the start. He rambles about his preferred tree spotting methods to Sebastian, who listens with an indulgent smile. 

They arrive at the main building and the owner of the farm, and practically one of Chris's friends at this point, Jack, immediately walks up to them to greet them. 

"Brought the whole family out for the experience this year, huh?" Jack grins, "Well, we've got some good ones this year. Should be to your taste. I know you get a little fussy about your trees but we've got some real beauties. And you've brought your beautiful family, so this place is just gonna be extra pretty today." He pats Chris shoulder, "Let me grab you a saw and we'll head down to a good patch. I assume you want to cut it down yourself again?" 

Jack walks away before Chris can reply. He tends to do that. Chris sneaks a glance at Sebastian who is blushing. 

"You come here often?" Seb asks. 

"Every year since I was 6. Family tradition," Chris says. 

Sebastian's face gets even redder. 

Jack returns, hands a saw to Chris and then leads them to a group of trees not directly visible from the path. 

"These are the best we've got this year," Jack says, "should be something good for you here. I'm gonna leave you to it, pal, you know the drill by now," He smiles, then addresses the girls, "keep an eye out on those two for me, darlings? I'm sure clever girls like you are up for the job." 

The girls giggle and nod quickly. 

"Good luck," Jack says. 

"Thank you, we'll see you in a bit," Chris smiles. 

Jack winks at Chris, then walks away still grinning. 

They walk around for a bit first, inspecting trees here and there. It's all about the experience, according to Chris. Sebastian trusts him because, between the two of them, he is clearly the expert. And it is an experience. One he feels privileged to share with Chris and his daughters. It's sweet to see how excited Chris gets and how he shares that excitement with his daughters and Sebastian. Asking them to point out the trees they like and rambling about what he likes. 

After 30 minutes or so Estelle points out a tree that she really loves. Chris says they have to do a vote and they unanimously agree that this is the best one available. It's time to cut it down. 

"Okay, stand back sweethearts," Chris says to his daughters. "Daddy's gonna cut down our tree so we can bring it home. But that's a little dangerous. So we gotta be careful. Do you understand?" 

Once the girls acknowledge that they've understood and step back far enough. Then he addresses Sebastian. 

"Can you just hold the top of the tree for me?" He asks, "yes just like that," He says when Sebastian grabs it. 

Chris begins to saw. He’s able to get through the trunk of the tree pretty easily. He lets it drop to the ground, looking very pleased with himself. Then he picks the tree up, lifting it easily, puts it on his shoulder like it weighs nothing. 

“Time to pay and take this baby home,” He grins. 

They make their way back to Jack, and Chris pays for the tree, chatting some more about this and that. Jack helps Chris attach the tree to the roof rack and then it’s time to drive home. 

Sebastian knows he would like to repeat this experience every year to come, if Chris and the girls will have him. He likes being with their little family and joining their traditions. He has to admit he also really likes watching Chris carry a tree. 

The girls want to decorate the Christmas tree the minute they arrive home. Sebastian helps Chris get the tree off the roof and into a stand in the living room. Chris gets the boxes with ornaments and other decorations. He has two small boxes with the girls' names carefully written on top of them, and gives them each their own box. It contains the ornaments he has gotten for them specifically, some because they saw them at a store and wanted them and some because he buys them one each every year as a little reminder of a year gone by. Later when they grow up and move out, they will have a box full of ornaments. He hopes they will appreciate them then as much as they do now. 

Sebastian lifts up Estelle so she can put one of her ornaments higher up in the tree. She carefully puts it on one of the branches and then smiles proudly once she has done it. Sebastian's eyes are crinkled with joy, he praises Estelle and looks just as proud as she does. Chris wants him to stay forever. And maybe he's falling too hard, too fast again and it scares him because they aren't even there yet. They've only just begun to rebuild what they once had and they haven't discussed anything remotely romantic, just that they want to be friends again. Chris wants it to turn into something more so much, but he is terrified about it not happening or Sebastian leaving again. 

Bit by bit they decorate the tree. It's colorful and full but it's the best tree Chris has ever seen. He can admit he is a little biased. Once they are done they drink hot chocolate together. Afterwards, Sebastian excuses himself to go call his mother. 

"Tell her hi for me?" Chris says. 

Sebastian nods and smiles, his cheeks a little flushed. Then he quickly leaves the room. 

Estelle and Cassie curl up against Chris. 

"Daddy?" Estelle says. 

"Yes, darling?" Chris wraps his arms around them. 

"We like Sebastian. Can we keep him?" Estelle says. 

"I like Sebastian, too," Chris says, "But we can't just keep Sebastian, he's not a pet. He has his own house and a job. He's just spending a little time with us now."

"Of course he's not a pet. He doesn't have as much hair as Dodger," Estelle says. 

"You want to keep him too," Cassie says at the same time. "It's okay daddy." She pats his arm.

Chris presses a kiss on top of her head and then one on top of her sister's. His kids are entirely too clever. 

Sebastian goes into his bedroom to call his mother. First he asks her how she’s doing. She’s on a holiday with a friend and seems to be enjoying herself tremendously. She talks about some of the things she has done on her trip and Sebastian enjoys listening to her talk. He always has. 

“Now, how have you been?” She asks. “Did you make Christmas plans yet?” 

“I’m staying at Chris’s house. We met again, he says hi by the way,” Sebastian says. “His mother invited me for Christmas.” He bites his lip. 

“Tell me everything.” His mother says. 

And it’s so easy then to talk. To say how much he loves Chris and his children and how happy he is to be here, that they met again. He tells her how much he hates the thought of leaving, but doesn’t know how long he will be welcome to stay. How much he will miss Chris when he is back in New York and how much he has missed him all these years. How Chris holds the key to his heart, always has and always will. 

“You should tell him,” His mother says, “don’t leave things unsaid. Not now that you’ve gotten a second chance. I believe in you.” 

“Thank you,” Sebastian says, “I should go now. Enjoy the rest of your trip?” 

“You enjoy yourself too and tell Christopher and his family hi for me,” His mother says. 

He promises her he will and they say their goodbyes. He hangs up, sits down on his bed and puts his phone down next to him. Maybe his mother was right, maybe he does need to tell Chris. He just needs to find some courage first. 

Sebastian walks back into the living room, straight into Chris's arms. Sebastian buries his face into Chris's neck. Chris wraps his arms around him tightly, happy to have him here. 

"Hi," he smiles when they let go. 

"Hi," Seb says, scrunching up his nose. 

He looks so cute like this. Chris wants to boop his nose. He gives into the impulse and does. Sebastian's face flushes red, he smiles shyly, then squeezes Chris's biceps.

"Want to have a drink? The girls are playing in the yard with Dodger," Chris says. 

"Sure," Sebastian says, "my mom says hi too, by the way. She's happy we met again." 

"I'm happy about that too," Chris smiles. 

He is. Feels like he doesn't need anything else for Christmas this year because he already has everything he could ever wish for. It's a great feeling, being this content. 

The next two days go by in a flash. They bake cookies, watch holiday movies, read and play outside in the snow. It’s a wonderful time and Sebastian never wants it to end. He feels less tired each day he is here. This was exactly what he needed.

It's the evening before Christmas Eve. Sebastian and Chris put the girls to bed, read them a few stories until they couldn’t get their eyes open. Sebastian just took a quick shower, when he steps out of it he hears Chris is playing the piano. He quickly gets dressed in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and then follows the music. 

When he reaches the piano, he sees Chris’s eyes are closed. His hands look beautiful and he is clearly enjoying the song he is playing. The lights in the room illuminate him and make him look even more gorgeous. He looks peaceful and at ease and Sebastian is so in love with him. 

“Hey,” he says softly. 

Chris opens his eyes, turns his head and smiles at Sebastian. 

“Hey,” he says. “Sit with me?” briefly stops playing to scoot over to make room for Sebastian. 

Sebastian sits down next to him, their shoulders brush. Chris resumes playing. It’s a beautiful song. Sebastian recognizes it, it’s one his mother used to play a lot when he was younger. He hears her and he hears Chris and his body is full of joy. He hums along quietly. 

Chris finishes the song, wraps his arms around Seb’s shoulder and pulls him even closer. Rests his head on top of Sebastian’s. Sebastian’s heart is beating so fast, he worries it might leave his body. Butterflies flutter around in his stomach.

“I really want to kiss you,” he admits. 

“I would really like to kiss you, too,” Chris says. 

They turn. Lips touch lips and it’s like their souls touch too. This is everything he has been longing for for such a long time. It's magnificent, it’s magical, it makes Sebastian wonder if he is dreaming. 

They part and Chris lips are wet with spit. He is smiling widely. Looks so radiant. Sebastian reaches out to touch his cheek to remind himself that this is real. He presses their lips together again. They move in tandem, like no time has passed at all. Like there wasn’t a time when they didn’t kiss. 

"I've missed this."

"Me too," Chris says, pressing their lips together again. 

"Do you want to… what do you want? With us?" Sebastian asks. 

He feels a little fragile, a little scared. Somehow still afraid to be rejected even after these wonderful kisses. 

"I want a lot," Chris says honestly, "but I don't want to overwhelm you by saying that. I wanted everything with you back then and I think I still want that now, but I've got the girls to think of too. I don't want them to get attached if… I just need you to be sure. About this. Us." 

Sebastian nods, "I get that. I get that they are your priority. And… I get it. I want you. That's yeah. I really want you," He says. 

Chris takes his hand, presses a kiss on top of it, "Let's sleep on it for a night, or two even if that's what we need. And then… then we decide? Because I do want you so much but I can't do this again if you don't feel as deeply as I do. And we'll be friends, even if you decide this is not it for you. But I don't want to make any rash decisions. Not when it comes to this," He says. 

"That… that sounds good," Sebastian says. "Can I have one more kiss before I go to bed?" He asks, blushing a little. 

"Yeah," Chris says and kisses him again.

Sebastian thinks about their conversation a lot before he falls asleep. Even journals a little, so he can get some clarity. He gets Chris's need for certainty. He has broken his heart before and it's not just Chris's heart that's involved now. He has his family to consider, and Sebastian never wants to hurt those girls. 

He thinks about Chris and kissing him. He thinks about how good staying here has been, and how much he doesn't want to leave. He thinks about Estelle and Cassie and how he would love to see them grow up, what life with them and Chris would look like. But he also thinks about his job and the things that are being asked of him. He thinks about his life back in New York. His own childhood. Everything that has led him here. And he comes to a decision. 

Chris doesn’t sleep well that night. Too many thoughts flickering inside his head, too much noise. He hopes, he hopes so desperately that Sebastian will say yes. That he stays. That his heart is in this as much as Chris’s is. But Chris is scared. Scared of Sebastian leaving, scared of his heart breaking again. Scared the girls’ hearts will break too. They’ve already gotten attached. More so than they have to any of his friends, though they are quite close with some of them. He wants this more than he has ever wanted anything, but he knows he has to be realistic about it. And he doesn’t want this if Sebastian isn’t all in. Normally, Chris would think about taking it slow but he and Sebastian have never really done that. He doesn’t think it’s realistic to expect them to start doing so now. His words were true though, whatever Sebastian says, Chris wants to be friends. Because while he can live without kissing him, he doesn’t think he can survive another 6 years with a Sebastian-shaped hole in his life. 

It’s finally the 24th of December. Sebastian emails his agent and his publicist as soon as he gets up, knowing they will read it whenever they have time. Then he focuses all of his attention on Chris, Estelle and Cassie. The girls grow more excited by the hour. As it starts to go dark outside, Chris dresses them into their prettiest clothes, dresses in their favorite colors with white tights. They are wearing headbands with little gems on them and Chris has braided their hair. They look absolutely adorable. Sebastian has borrowed one of Chris's nicer sweaters. It's slightly too big, but it’s pretty, and it smells like home. 

Sebastian helps Estelle, Cassie and Dodger get into the car and they make their way to Chris's mother's house. Lisa's house is decorated beautifully, starting with the facade and the yard. Chris parks the car and they walk up to the front door. Before he rings the doorbell, Chris quickly takes Sebastian's hand, squeezes it and then lets go again. 

Lisa opens the door and greets them with big hugs. She ushers them inside. The rest of Chris’s family has already gathered and they all greet Sebastian as though he’s there every week. It makes him feel warm and welcome, which is always what he has associated Chris and his family with. He loves it almost as much as he loves Chris. 

Chris makes sure they sit next to each other. The girls want to sit next to Scott, who is more than happy to entertain them for the evening. Lisa brings out delicious food and drinks and everyone plays games and talks. Dodger plays with the other dogs in the family and the kids, until he grows tired and plops down at their feet. Sebastian pets him and he seems satisfied with that. 

After a couple of hours the conversation quiets down. Chris lightly touches Sebastian’s shoulder, asks if he wants to walk Dodger with him. Sebastian follows Chris, blushes when he catches Lisa smiling and winking at them. 

Chris puts Dodger’s leash on as Sebastian grabs their coats. He pulls his own on, then holds Dodger’s leash as Chris puts on his. They step outside, Sebastian clasps their hands together and Chris sends him a pleased smile. He lets Chris lead the way. It’s been so long since he has been here and Chris knows exactly where to go. It’s interesting to see how the neighborhood has changed through the years. They walk in silence for a while but it’s fine, comfortable. 

"I've made my choice. I considered every angle, and I've made my choice," Sebastian says. 

"Yes?"

Chris sounds so hopeful that it makes Sebastian's chest ache and makes him feel soft at the same time. He squeezes Chris's hand gently, hoping it will reassure him. He will not break this man's heart twice. 

"I want to be with you until I grow old and die. I'm in this. I love you," Sebastian says. 

"I love you too," Chris says, smiling so widely it must make his cheeks hurt. 

"And I sent a message to my agent and my publicist that this is mine. Ours. I don't want this to be exploited and I want everything we might share with the world to be our decision. Because I want the real deal with you. No distractions. And no bringing Hollywood into the girls' world. I just want us to be together and to be happy, and I want to make this work," Sebastian says. "I want to date you and marry you and maybe that's all too much right now but I want you to know that I am committed to this. To us, Chris." 

"I'm committed to us too," Chris says, "It's like you were my missing puzzle piece all these years. And I want this to last forever. We'll… we'll make that happen. And maybe the wise thing would be to start small but… at the same time I don't know if I can. I just want it all with you." 

They press their lips together, kiss until Dodger whines and reminds them he's there too. They break apart giggling. They finish their walk and return to Lisa's house. 

When they walk into the room everyone can tell something has happened. Lisa takes them into the kitchen.

"I knew you boys would work it out," She smiles. 

"Yeah?" Chris asks, blushing a little. 

"Of course, Chris. You know that parents just know these things," his mom says. "How about you let the girls and Dodger sleep here tonight so you can celebrate?" She winks at them. 

They hug her and thank her, then decide to call Sebastian's mom to tell her the good news, too. 

They ask the girls if they want to have a sleepover with their grandma, which they eagerly agree to. Especially once Sebastian tells them he will still read them a bedtime story. 

Once he has and they've said their goodbyes they head to Chris's house. They go home. 

Chris parks the car on the driveway and they head inside, holding hands. Chris leads him to his bedroom. Sebastian feels absolutely giddy with anticipation. This is not how he had fantasized how this would go - in his dreams things always got heated much faster. But it’s exactly what they both need. 

Once they are in Chris's bedroom they sit down on his bed together - holding onto each other's hands. Chris leans in and Sebastian presses their lips together, uses his other hand to cup Chris's cheek. Chris places his hand on Sebastian's thigh, using his thumb to rub it gently. Slowly brings it closer to his crotch. 

“I want you so fucking much,” Chris whispers. 

“I want you too,” Sebastian says. 

Lips touch again. Sebastian thinks he’d be content even if they just kissed each other all night. Still, he lets go of Chris. Starts pulling on Chris’s shirt. Chris takes the hint, lifts up his arms and Seb pulls the shirt off of him. Throws it somewhere in a corner, they’ll deal with that later. Chris returns the favor so they are both shirtless. 

Sebastian gets a good look at Chris’s chest. The first time he’s gotten to in a long time and he’s a little breathless. He reaches out and traces Chris’s tattoos. 

“Fuck,” He says softly. 

Chris grins at him, “Still like ‘em?” He asks. 

“Of course I do, asshole,” Sebastian says. “Fuck.” He smacks their lips together. 

They undress further, bit by bit. The clothes all ending up God knows where in the room. None of that matters now. Only them and their bodies. Making each other feel good. They straddle each other and caress each other like they can’t quite believe this is really happening. It feels so surreal. But it is happening. They get to have this and it’s good. 

Once they are fully undressed they lie down on the bed together. Chris on top of Sebastian. He slips a hand in between their bodies, around their cocks. They kiss and kiss and kiss as Chris strokes their cocks together. It’s all over far quicker than either of them would like but it's okay. They have all the time in the world to do it again and again. 

Chris gets up to grab a washcloth and wipes them clean. He presses a kiss to Sebastian's lips, gets a sated smile in return. He gets rid of the washcloth. Then curls up next to Sebastian, wrapping his arm around his body. Sebastian settles his head against Chris's chest, resting his hand on Chris's bicep. Chris presses a kiss on top of his head. 

"Merry Christmas," Chris says, grinning and overly emphasizing the words. 

Sebastian snorts, "Merry Christmas, you dork," He says, leaning up to kiss him again. 

"Your dork though," Chris says. 

"Yes, my dork," Sebastian smiles and snuggles closer to Chris's body. 

He falls asleep feeling secure and loved and on top of the world. He thinks - he hopes - Chris feels the same. 

They wake up early the next morning. It's hard to find the will to get up. Chris just feels so happy lying here with Sebastian in his arms. He wants to wake up like this every morning for the rest of his life. And he knows that's not possible. Eventually, Sebastian will have to head back to New York, back to work. But Chris is determined to enjoy this, enjoy him every moment that he gets to. The hole in his life is no longer there. There is nothing left to ask for, to wish for. All his dreams have come true and he is grateful. Excited for whatever is to come, too. He has his girls, he has Dodger and his family. And now he has Sebastian too. Together, they can do anything. 

"Time to get up?" Sebastian asks after they've been cuddling for about 10 minutes. 

"Guess we kinda have to," Chris says, "I mean it will be exciting to watch the girls unwrap their presents. They get really into it," He smiles. 

"I can't wait," Sebastian says and kisses him. 

After they get dressed - which takes longer than it should because they keep getting distracted by each other and kissing - they head back to his mom's house to exchange Christmas gifts and have breakfast together.

They walk into his mom’s living room holding hands. The girls notice immediately. 

Cassie lights up. “I knew we had to keep him,” She says proudly. 

"Yeah, you okay with that?" Sebastian asks. 

Both girls nod excitedly, run up to them and wrap their arms around Sebastian's leg. Chris's heart is full of pride and love. 

He and Sebastian settle down on the couch, Sebastian cuddles up against him, as the girls get to picking up presents with the help of his mom and distributing them around the room. There are looks of pure joy on their faces and everything is good. This is what feeling fully present, feeling fully content, feels like. And Chris wouldn't change a single thing. 

**Author's Note:**

> I am [hawkeyeandthewintersoldier](https://hawkeyeandthewintersoldier.tumblr.com/) on tumblr too, please say hi if you want to? <3


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